Oct 10, 2011

Query Letter take 2

Dear [insert ideal literary agent],

Thomas has always felt like an alien, too brilliant for his youthful age. When alien mind readers snatch Thomas and four of his acquaintances from their mundane lives on Earth, he learns of his otherworldly heritage, and seizes a chance to join the mighty Torth Empire. The only catch is that Thomas must abandon his human friends to brutal slavery.

While Thomas navigates a world full of technological marvels, the four humans survive in an alien slave ghetto. They can't escape from a city thick with mind readers. When one of the humans is marked for execution, they realize that time is short. Unless Thomas can remember his human loyalties, they must escape on their own . . . which means they must rescue Thomas from the monster he is becoming.

CITY OF SLAVES is complete at 105,000 words ... blah, blah, blah. How does it sound?


Abby Goldsmith said...

Here's a variation:

Dear [insert literary agent],

I'm writing to you with the hope that you'll consider representing my novel, CITY OF SLAVES, in which a group of friends are torn from their lives on Earth and forced into slavery on an alien world.

Thomas alone is granted acceptance among the mind readers who rule the known universe. The only catch is that he must abandon his human friends to slavery and death. An outcast among humanity due to his genius intellect, Thomas agrees, partly because he yearns for acceptance and partly for the sake of survival. While Thomas adapts to godlike knowledge, high-tech luxuries, and an utter lack of privacy, his friends survive in an alien slave ghetto. They soon realize they will die unless they can escape. But in a city full of mind readers, secrecy and escape plans are impossible. Their only slim hope is to rescue Thomas from the monster he is becoming.

RPS said...

Oh dear your good post

Michael Z. Williamson said...

List any professional credits or qualifications first.

By way of introduction, I am a professional artist, and you may have seen my imagery in (shows, movies). My ability to project an image colors my writing. I try to make all my scenes vivid for the reader.

synopsis here.